You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
