I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize