I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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