we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
you made out with another girl for some wings
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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