no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
