I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
