i just wanna soil my oats bro
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
