don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
