that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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