No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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