How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm always down for nudity.
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