i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
