Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm too high and old for this...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
