Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
what day is it and did you see me today?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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