every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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