Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
