she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
