I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
