i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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