youre lurking in front of me
I want to stick my p in your. b.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
