This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
