I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
only if we run a train.
done.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
