He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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