Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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