A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it was like eating out sand paper
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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