He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Pooping to opera.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
