I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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