I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
