I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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