i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
