i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
