glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is it because I queefed?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
