We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
