Small penises have feelings too.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
