In the future we'll all be gay
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
