Pappa wants mamma naked
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
