i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
