Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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