I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
