Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
