im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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