My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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