I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
