I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize