okay pat passed out under dana's car
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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