you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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