I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize