im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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