Can Purell be used as lube?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize