don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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