I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
