I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
