wrigley field is MILF paradise
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
