Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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