You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im part way to drunk.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
