Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
