I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
