Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
