im drinking this country out of the recession.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
