for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
