In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
