Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
