What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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