yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
As shirtless as possible
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
