so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
