So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
